Ibis off Grand Place, Brussels, in spirit at least

I, Melachi ibn Amillar, being of unsound mind and body, did stay at the Ibis off Grand Place, Brussels, in February 2013. The reception clerk was quite well dressed and kindly offered to speak to me in English, even though I naturally addressed him in perfectly fluent and accurate French. The tariff was not at all cheap, so I was disappointed to find that the lift, which promised to function on the insertion of my key card, did not do so, though I tried many times. Apparently, it has to be entered just so, and might then work. The lift was rather small, and, in the course of my two night stay, caused some embarrassment whenever breasted females entered. I should also like to remark on the music played in the lift, which was throughout, I believe, a sort of seventies soul. So with anticipation I reached my room, which was rather small, though perfectly clean. Had a companion joined me, breasted or otherwise, it would have been too small, indeed it would have been difficult to unpack one suitcase, let alone two. Fortunately, I, Melachi, travel light, with just a small backpack. There was no door to the wardrobe, for there would have been no room for it to open, and the television was not of the widescreen variety, though did show the first and second BBC channels. The bed was comfortable and the sheets fresh. A placard announced that the calm sleep of the guests was their first priority. However, I could hear the quiet conversation of the guests next door, through a locked but connecting door, and subsequently a snoring. The bathroom was rather small as well, and the cistern was of possibly the cheapest, plasticy variety available, though did work, but certain watery areas remained in its vicinity and did not seem to dry off. There was a bath and shower, though no soap, except in squeezy bottles attached to the walls. The bath was rather small, indeed one needed to curl up in the manner of a peat bog man to relax in the waters. The tiles were clean, with just a few dark spots. The breakfast was of a standard continental buffet variety, including some fruit, though served with a common tray. The second day, the pain au chocolat had run out. The coffee was from an unattended machine -- I would have preferred hand drawn espresso or at least a nice filter variety. The staff said hello, but not much else. They were kind enough to enroll me in their frequent hotel-using programme; but I do not think that I, Melachi, will frequently be using their hotels.